Let's go ahead and reduce it to a false binary, in order to understand exactly what we're talking about here. Which is worse? To play the game and lose. Or to not play the game and lose. There is no good option. We knows the rules of the game. You choices you make about how you live/love/work need to be rooted in fear. Fear of not making enough money, of not having health care, of one day (never today, delayed gratification is rooted in this game) being able to buy a house. There's a reason this blog has SC.R.E.A.M. (Scarcity Rules Everything Around Me) as it's motto.
But what's the alternative, people ask. What else are you supposed to do? The fear of being poor is so great, a fear indoctrinated into us from birth by parents, authority figures, the entire fucking culture from top to bottom. Who is worthy v. who is not--worthy of love, respect, admiration. Which one do you want to be? Well if you want to be worthy, if you want those rewards, hell if all you want to do is survive, you need to shut your mouth and play the game. That means you measure every relationship on whether or not it can get you closer to your goal (which is the same goal as everyone else's money and/or fame and/or power). This is true of people in the culture industry, academia, country clubs, whatever. The people who can get you where you want to go have value. The people who can't are worthless, or a waste of your (limited, exhausted) emotional resources.
That's one path. The other path would mean trying not to care about any of that, and just doing what brought you joy, or freedom. It would mean learning, or creating, or working in spaces & situations that--even if they couldn't bring you 100% enjoyment all the time--could at least minimize the anxiety and dread and SC.R.E.A.M.ing in your head. You could at least find peace of mind in knowing that you weren't perpetuating a cruel and exploitative way of living. You could, to be trite, treat others the way you yourself want others to treat you.
For all its kindergarten simplicity, it's still a radical concept.
You can opt out, or you can buy in. But be careful. They both lead, more often than not, to disappointment. But they are two different types of torture. Opting out means getting your heart broken over and over again. Buying in means sentencing yourself to a life of perpetual hell.
Because the way you live your life ends up creating the lens through which you see others. In the same way that if you are liar, you'll assume that nobody can be trusted, if you are a person who sees other people as a rung upon a ladder, then you'll assume other people are as shallow and machiavellian as you are.
I have to do this, you will think,
because everyone else is doing this. And to not do live like this would be putting yourself at a disadvantage. And in a competitive world, you need every advantage you can get.
There is no victory. Not a final victory. Any success, by these standards, can only be temporary and fleeting. There are no triumphs, only respites.
The thing is, there's no guarantee that playing the game, that leading a ruthlessly aspirational life, inevitably leads to success. This is not a meritocracy. Not even fucking close. And the amount of money you're born into has way, way, way more to do with whether or not you will "succeed" or "fail" in this life (we're going to start putting those words in quotes, because they have been debased beyond all meaning).Do you really think hard work gets you anywhere in this country? Intelligence? Ability?
And networking is just another form of work. It's right there in the word. The idea that, in order to get ahead you need to make contacts and cultivate relationships (puke) is just bougie, middle-class version of the "if you work hard, you'll get ahead" American dream horseshit that even the people selling it don't believe in. The US equivalent of snake oil. Work hard because I get to keep 90% of the wealth you generate would be a more honest and more accurate philosophy.
What does it mean to opt out of all that? What is the alternative? It means recognizing that dignity and self-respect also matter. It means trying to live first and foremost as a human being sharing the planet with other humans, as opposed to seeing one's self as a commodity, or a fucking brand. It means resisting. It means being conscious of all the ways in which dominant ideologies--of neoliberalism, of capitalism, of nationalism, etc.--poison our existence. It means seeing how we suffer in our striving. It doesn't mean no one should strive, or aspire, or dream. It doesn't mean one resigns one's self to suffering. It means being aware of exactly what choices we're making, being aware of them as choices, and then choosing what we are willing, and are not willing, to do--to ourselves and to others--in the pursuit of our goals.
Opting out isn't easy. But then neither is buying in. Opting out means being aware. No rationalizations, no straw man arguments, no easy justifications. It means understanding exactly what you're doing, and accepting that your actions have consequences. It means valuing love over money, kindness over success, and revolution over perpetuating a system that is murderous & cruel.
