The Number Fortys: Eurythmics - "Right By Your Side"

In The Number Fortys, we review every song that was sitting at #40 on the Billboard chats, starting in the first week of January 1984, right around the time this writer became cognizant/obsessive about music. The seeds for the idea came from Tom Breihan's Number Ones column over at Stereogum. However, we here at k-postpunk believe that the bottom is more interesting than the top (and obscurity is more interesting than either).

In the pantheon of bands made up of two members where one person handles the music and the other handles the singing, Eurythmics are the missing link between Sparks and Pet Shop Boys, or maybe Suicide and Erasure, but they're not as good (whatever that means) as any of those bands. In Eurythmics, Annie Lennox handled the singing and Dave Stewart handled the music. The fact that the former is much better known than the latter is almost enough to think that, in this case at least, the universe if a just and decent place. To put it more simply, Annie was, and most likely still is, a better singing person than David was, and very much likely still is (his last notable credit was co-writing the No Doubt song Underneath It All; it's a 0) a music person.

Eurythmics emerged, in a chart sense, in 1983 when Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) reached #1. That song's great (a 9, probably). The next single, Love is a Stranger, was even better (it's also a 9--don't make me break out the decimal points). The next single, Who's That Girl, was kind of boring, is you ask me (a 4). The single after this, Here Comes the Rain Again is a moody atmospheric affair with shoo-wop backing vocals that I still find myself singing sometimes when it starts to rain, even if it makes my brain hurt to try and figure out what a new emotion falling on one's head would feel like or look like,

Right By Your Side is worse than any of those songs. I haven't heard every Eurythmics song. Looking at their discography, I can see I haven't even heard every single (was Don't Ask Me Why a Billy Joel cover, wait don't answer that). But I can definitely say that of all the Eurythmics songs I've ever heard, this one is the worst.

It's one thing to be kind of boring. This song is actively annoying. It's like being trapped in an overpriced Miami restaurant while some guy with a Casio plays some "island music" for the customers (your tips are greatly appreciated) It's as authentically Caribbean as the movie Cocktail. Speaking of which, I'd rather listen to Kokomo. And by the way, the genre(s) being pilfered from here--calypso? reggae?--are vague enough that I don't feel comfortable being any more specific than Caribbean.

The worst thing is it's catchy. Give me an unmemorable shitty song any day. Interestingly, the verse melody here, all isn't too far from John Cougar Mellencamp's "The Authority Song." Both came out within a month with each other. Go figure.

Cool trumpet solo from the guy with all the affectations though. I think I saw his kid riding a unicycle around town last week. Annie's a legend so we won't say anything about her leopard skin pillbox hat. Lastly, I looked it up, and no one in that audience was even fucking nominated for an Academy Award that year. Which is a shame, because you know every single one of these cheering people were acting their asses off.

Score: 2/10.

THE NUMBER ONE

It's a well-known fact that Ray Parker Jr. got sued for stealing the melody, rhythm, and beat for this song from Huey Lewis & the News' I Want a New Drug." We already wrote about Huey's song here, but it's worth noting Ray's quick turnaround time. These songs came out about six months apart. Normally, people wait 10 years or so before ripping something off, usually from a song they heard growing up. It gives them plausible deniability (I don't know how that melody go there officer. It must have been in my sub-conscious). Ray Parker just straight up heard that on the radio on his way to the recording studio and thought, "Yeah, that one sounds good. I'm sure they'll all have forgotten this one in six months."

I bet Huey Lewis & the News were some ecstatic motherfuckers when they heard this song. First off, a black artist had ripped them off. And not just any black artist, Ray was a former member of Raydio and had serious R&B cred. Huey and his band must have thought they were some serious funk-fueled bastards the day they heard Ghostbusters. It's like we're Big Mama Thornton and he's Pat Boone, they howled with glee.

And I'm guessing the second thought they had was they were going to get paid. Because all those old blues guys may not have gotten paid (hell, most of them didn't even own their songs), but Huey and his band had something those other guys didn't. They had white skin (probably still do for all I know). Ray Parker Jr. had grown up in America, and he had no illusions about the legal system. He settled out of court for an undisclosed amount.

Believe it or not, this is going to be #1 for a bit longer. We'll talk more about it next installment.

Score: 4.