The Number Fortys: Culture Club - "Miss Me Blind"

In The Number Fortys, we review every song that was sitting at #40 on the Billboard chats, starting in the first week of January 1984, right around the time this writer became cognizant/obsessive about music. The seeds for the idea came from Tom Breihan's Number Ones column over at Stereogum. However, we here at k-postpunk believe that the bottom is more interesting than the top (and obscurity is more interesting than either).

So if I'm remembering the old VH1 Behind the Music about this band, most of George's lyrics were written about his current on-again/off-again romance with the band's drummer, Jon Moss. George was sure of who he was (a gay man), and what he wanted (Jon). Jon was, uh, less sure.

So this is a song about masturbation right? You're going to miss me so much you're going to spend the rest of your life thinking about me while you jerk off, and you're going to jerk off so much that you'll go blind? It's not impossible. The first lines of the verse go Bet you got a good gun / Bet you know how / To have some fun. "Miss Me Blind" is high-quality fluffy smut. On a third listen now, and I'm thinking yep, this song is definitely about "I'm such a great fuck that now that gone and you've left me you're going to have to spend the rest of your life masturbating while you think of what a great fuck I was." Which, you have to admit, is a pretty badass lyrical conceit.

I think there might be some anti-consumerist stuff going on too, for whatever reason.

The music's got a lot of things going for it. The fuzz-toned guitar is a blast, especially when it does the ascending bit leading into the chorus, and then doubles it up heading into the last chorus.

Also note that the only real musical difference between the verse and the chorus is an extremely well-placed electronic snare drum on the two and four. Sometimes it's the little things. 

Miss Me Blind went to #5. It was the band's sixth US Top 10 hit in a row, all in a span of less than two years. It would also be their last. In our universe, it's a 6.

THE NUMBER ONE

This song is going to be #1 forever. I just know it is. Did I mention this is a 10.

True story. Back in my younger, more vulnerable years, I recited these lyrics, punctuated by flailing leaps across the stage whenever the word "Jump" occurred, at the biggest poetry slam place in the Boston metro area. It went pretty good, I think.